Thursday, May 21, 2015

The Art of the Selfie

The Art of the Selfie

I have never been a popular girl. Not to say I’m not likeable, but I’m not exactly fashionable. (In fact, my little sister has been dressing me since I was in high school and still is.) In addition to my fashion ineptitude, I have very little interest in what (or who) celebrities are doing, what the best reality show is or anything else about popular cultural. College was probably the highlight of my trendy days; I ran with the hipster crowd, danced at underground clubs and listened to obscure bands that most people didn’t even know existed yet. I had an extremely cool boyfriend (who turned out to be gay which probably explains a. why he was so cool and b. why he was dating me.)

Now that I have entered the bubble of motherhood, I have even less time for TV, lollygagging on the internet, figuring out what to wear, or even the news. (Let’s face it, when you are forced to become an expert in sleep training, diaper changing and researching the latest kid shows that aren’t so obnoxious you want to throw up, (Ahem, Yo Gabba Gabba) it is hard enough just to find time to bathe and dress yourself, much less worry about what’s trendy.) Thankfully, my husband keeps me abreast of the popular memes and what’s going on in the news so that I can make conversation with the other moms at the park. But as my children get older, I realize more and more that I have to keep up - at least with what’s trending on the internet. First and foremost, to protect my children from the big, bad evils of the internet world, and second to ensure I am not so utterly embarrassing that my children refuse to associate with me through their adolescence. With that in mind, I’m on Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram and even Snapchat. (Though I really don’t understand the hype about Snapchat. The pictures are poor quality, there are plenty of alternative formats to share pictures on and the only kind of pictures I can think of that you would want to only last for 10 seconds are the kind that get Anthony Wiener in trouble.)

I digress. Now, given my lack of trendy mom credentials, you might think that selfies would not be my forte. (For those new moms who have been stuck in the blur of sleepless nights and poopy diapers, a selfie is usually a camera phone self portrait.) On the contrary, I was born for the selfie. I’ve had a knack for finding the spotlight and hamming it up since birth, which is what earned me the nickname “Hambone” as a kid. So without further ado, The Art of the Selfie:
Do look away from the camera in a thoughtful manner.

Don't do the duck face. Just don't.

Don't try to make a kissy face. It looks like a duck face.

Do send the sultry ones to your hubby.

Don't turn on the flash. If you do, see my friend Meredith over at Mom of the Year to see how long the temporary blindness lasts.
Do use natural light. Don't sit in front of your bay window trying to catch the last of the natural light at dusk. Your neighbors will think you are a weirdo.
Do take your picture from an interesting angle that makes you look more flattering. (I think this one makes me look deceptively skinny. Yes!) 

Do use props. Or just drink beer because it's good.

Do take them after your kids go to bed and you've had a few drinks with your husband. Don't post these ones on the internet.

Do beware of what’s in the background of your picture. I have a couple of little photo bombers in my house. How about you?
 This post was originally featured at Mom of the Year. For a less serious look at the world of parenting, meet Meredith

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