The Morning Grind

It is hard to get my kids out of the house for school each morning. It's even harder to do it without yelling. And the morning yelling is probably one of the things I hate myself most for. The last thing I want to do before I send my children out into the world for the day is yell at them. Who wants to start their day by getting torn a new one by their mother who (supposedly) loves them the most?

I like to tell myself that my mornings are particularly hard since 

a) I have three young children, all 5 and under 

b) my husband is already gone for the day so I'm solo and 

c) we have to leave the house by 7:30am most days which feels early.

Now, I'm sure many of you have it harder than me. This is not a contest. I'm not looking for your sympathy about my situation or the sob story about yours. We all have our challenges trying to get out the door in a timely manner and if you are anything like me your biggest obstacle is the same: children.

My three year old is quick and efficient at getting ready for school, but is easily derailed by his brother. The baby is beautiful and virtually helpless at 11 months old so the burden of getting her ready falls squarely on me. My five year old is both easily distracted and slow as molasses. He is particularly frustrating because he is fully capable of dressing himself but he won't, at least not in in a reasonable amount of time. My mother says the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and I think she's probably laughing maniacally in secret at my unfortunate karma. She also says she was guilty of yelling at me while trying to get me out the door and I turned out to be a relatively punctual and decent human being, so I think there's hope for all of us. But for my own sanity and the sake of my children I have spent the better part of this year trying to find a better way to motivate, to be on time, and to stop yelling. Here's what I've learned:

Set a timer. For Mr. Molasses I've started setting a timer, especially for breakfast. If he's not finished when the timer is up (and believe me he gets plenty of time) he leaves the table and continues with his routine. When he's finished washing up/brushing teeth and getting dressed he can go back to finish his breakfast, if there's time. Often the threat of a timer is enough, but it gets sticky when he runs out of time. Our usual punishment would be a timeout, but that use up more of our precious time! 

Let them sleep in their school clothes. The (power) struggle is real with my five year old. This was my mother's ingenious suggestion to eliminate the power struggle around getting dressed. It's a win win. Either he hates sleeping in his clothes and it motivates him to get dressed without losing focus or he loves it and it's one less thing to do in the morning. So far, I haven't had to make good on this threat, but I imagine I will before school is out. I'll keep you posted on how that works out.

Get up earlier. What I really mean by that is get up before the kids. I know you don't want to hear that. Believe me. I know. My kids get up at 6:37am every morning. My alarm goes off around 5:30am and lately I desperately ignore it until 6:00am. But an uninterrupted shower and coffee alone with my thoughts is worth it. Plus, if I am dressed and fed I can help them get ready if needed or at least monitor their progress.

Get the kids up early. Letting the kids sleep in until the last possible minute is not doing anyone any favors. They are even slower when they are groggy and more inclined to throw a fit if they are rushed. Until recently, my kids were pretty early risers so I had more of a problem getting them to stay in bed until a reasonable hour. They have a light on a timer that turns on when they are allowed to get up and now it acts as an alarm clock on school days. It's actually pretty nice that they get up on time, on their own. It's one less thing I have to worry about.

Do it the night before. Prep the coffee. Turn on the timer if it motivates you to roll out of bed before 6am. Pack lunches. Check backpacks. Pick out clothes. Find jackets. If it can be done the night before, do it. The less you have to manage during the morning rush, the less you have to yell about.

Threaten to unleash mean mommy. Sometimes threatening to yell is more effective than actually yelling. It's bizarre. It sounds like this, "If I have to ask you to get dressed again, I'm going to use my mean mommy voice. Do you want to hear my mean mommy voice?" I know. I sound like a crazy person. But I'm a pretty successful crazy person.

You'll win some, you'll lose some. Occasionally, I put my best foot forward all morning long and then as we are about to walk out the door, triumphantly on time, someone informs me that they have to poop. It happens. Pour yourself a to go cup of coffee while you wait. You will need it.

Do you have any secrets to surviving the morning grind? I'd love to hear about them!

2016: The Year of No f**ks

Love this cross stitch from the incredible Cotton Floozy

2015 was an incredible year. We welcomed Buttercup into our family and it has been nothing but a pleasure to see her capture the hearts of her big brothers. This morning she was fussy on our journey to school and her brothers sang to her and played peek-a-boo with her and it filled my heart with joy. 

However, 2015 was not ALL rainbows and sunshine. There were quite a few times when I thought I might lock myself in my room or crack a beer before noon. Honestly, it might have been better if I had done those things as opposed to becoming a raging lunatic screaming "WHY IS IT SO HARD TO PUT PANTS ON? DO YOU WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL NAKED?" It is moments like these that inspired me to make a resolution for 2016 that I might actually keep: Give fewer f**ks. 

Frankly, with three kids 5 and under, I have better things to worry about than whether or not my three year old's shirt was backwards when he went to school. 

Was he dressed appropriately for the weather? Yes. 

Were his clothes clean? Yup.

Did he dress himself from head to toe while I was free to pack lunches and feed the baby? Yes. 

Did I inform him that it was backwards and give him an opportunity to turn it around? Yep. He declined.

Now there was a time in which I would have insisted that he turn it around the proper way, even if it meant a battle. It's my job as a parent to ensure my kids go out into the world prepared for what life may bring them. I never wanted to send my kids to school with a dirty face or a backward shirt because the world is tough enough for a three year old; let's not give anyone a reason to give them a harder time.

But if I'm really honest with myself, I think the thing that bothered me most is how the backward shirt reflected on me, as a mother. What kind of mother sends their kid to school with their shirt on backwards? It's so simple. It takes one extra minute to turn that shirt around. Why doesn't that mother care? I do care. But the bottom line is, he doesn't. And taking into consideration all the other successes of the morning, I don't give a damn. 

source

It's time I stopped giving f**ks about a backwards shirt on a happy, warm, clean, well-fed, on-time-for-school little boy. 

It's time I stopped laying awake at night replaying the failures of the day instead of the successes.

This year, I won't have time for news about your neighbors deteriorating marriage or the kid who can't behave himself in class because of his parent's divorce. Can't we talk about how we are going to help? And if we can't help, lets move on.

I will change pharmacies or stop giving f**ks that the Walgreens walking distance from my house has the worst customer service on the planet. Instead, I will use my f**ks to write a thank you card to the amazing people at my pediatrician's office who have taken such good care of us this winter. 

This year I will be a great mom and I will not give any f**cks if that's not any better than last year. 

Cheers to fewer f**ks in 2016!

Secrets to Braving Cold Season

Cold season is upon us and with two kids in school and a new baby, we are in the thick of it. Someone has been fighting a cold in our household since Halloween and I have a feeling it will continue through the new year. After five years, I've accepted that illness is part of this stage of life and I've found a few secrets to braving cold season.

A teaspoon of honey helps with a dry cough. You know that annoying tickle in your throat that keeps you up coughing all night? A little bit of honey really helps soothe and coat your throat. The best part? You don't have to wait four hours to take another dose. Since it's all natural you can take more whenever you need it. This also works well for kids since most cough medications are not recommended for children under 4 years old. (However, remember that raw honey is not recommended for children under 1 year due to infant botulism.)

Get in plenty of fluids and bring down fevers with juice popsicles. I don't usually give my kids a lot of juice, but it is so important to get fluids in them when they are sick. Popsicles are a fun way to do that and making your own with orange juice gives them a nice vitamin C boost too.

Warm apple cider with lemon. There is no way you will get my kids to drink tea. They will barely drink hot chocolate and that stuff is practically, well liquid chocolate! But some warm apple cider is usually a hit and helps soothe sore throats. Plus it's another great way to get fluids in and a lemon slice adds just a little extra vitamin C.

Skip TV time and listen to music instead. Let me clear that we watch our fair share of TV around here and I have no problem plopping my kids down for a few extra episodes of Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood when they are sick. But I've found that just because they are sick, doesn't mean they don't have some energy to burn. Usually after 3-4 episodes, they start bouncing on the couch because they just can't keep their bodies still anymore. However, listening to music and doing a quiet activity like legos, coloring or playdoh seems to be just the right amount of stimulation while still letting their bodies rest.

Go to bed early, Mama. I know there's dinner to put on the table, homework to be done, dishes in the sink and floors to be mopped. But odds are, no matter how much you wash your hands and sanitize, you're going to catch that cold thanks to constant exposure. You are also going to be up at night caring for fevers and coughs and you are going to need your rest. So, know when to hold them and when to fold them. Both the hubby and I were in bed by 8:00pm with the kids the other night because we were so exhausted. Thankfully, I got a decent night's sleep and was able to tackle the pile of dishes in the kitchen with a renewed spirit the next day, even though I wasn't feeling 100% better.

Do you have any awesome Mama Hacks for surviving cold season? I'd love to hear about them in the comments!

Parenting Outside the Box

When my son was first born, I was desperate to do everything just right. I spent a lot of time reading the “expert” answers on sleeping, eating, routines, and just about everything related to my new little family. My son is five now and has been joined by a brother (three) and a sister (seven months.) After five years, and three kids, you know what I’ve learned about the experts? Sometimes their advice is no better than a veteran mom of three you met on a park bench. Here’s the thing with experts; their advice is great in theory. But the reality is that your kid is an individual and a one-size-fits-all approach might not be your ticket to uninterrupted nights of sleep. (Not to mention that many experts contradict one another. Have you read this mom on "expert" sleep training advice? It’s hilarious and so true!)

The point I’m trying to make is this: expert advice can be a great way to get the ball rolling on how you are going to tackle parenting challenges, but YOU know your kid better than any expert, any day.

In my experience, when I’ve thought outside the box and came up with a creative solution to a problem, I’ve had so much more success than when I followed expert advice. These are my favorite bits of wisdom the hubby and I have come up with along the way. They might not work for your kid, but they may inspire you to find the solution that does!

1.       Bounce that baby. Both my sons preferred to be bounced vs. rocked to sleep and most nights it took forever. You’d come out of the nursery all sweaty like you’d been in there with Richard Simmons. Until we started using the exercise ball. Bouncing for 45 minutes on the exercise ball was cake compared to the grueling workout we were getting without it. Best $10 I’ve ever spent.  

2.       Tackling the Teething Trifecta. (Say that five times fast!) Teething sucks. They don’t eat because it hurts. They don’t sleep because they’re hungry and it hurts. And then you have a hungry, tired, hurting baby on your hands ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT long. If you want to beat the pain + hunger + tiredness trifecta, try frozen snacks. The cold foods help numb the pain and fill their little bellies. We started with slicing grapes into quarters and then freezing them. Frozen slices of mandarin oranges were also a hit, as were frozen peas and corn. (Note: Of course, use your judgment in choosing age-appropriate foods. I do not recommend this for children who are not already accustomed to chewing solid foods. Also, make sure you make the slices small enough that they are not a choking hazard.)

3.       The sun is up (or not). It happens to all of us. You wake up at 4am and find your toddler staring at you like a total creep. “It’s time to get up!” they say, cheerfully. You curse that big kid bed with all its ridiculous freedom and put them back to “sleep” 17 times before you finally give up and make coffee. When this day arrived in our house we looked at all kinds of fancy alarm clocks that tell your kid when it is ok to get up, but those things aren’t cheap and had way more features than we needed. In the end, purchased a sun night light and used it with a timer we already owned.

4.       Audio books after lights out. Dash went through a phase at about two when he would not stay in his bed at bedtime. In part, he was afraid of being in his room alone so we recorded our own audio books for him to listen to after we left the room. We still use the audio books as a way for the boys to wind down with the lights off before bed.

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What are your most unconventional parenting hacks? Parenting Outside the Box is a reoccurring series so if you comment with your favorite hacks, they may be featured next time!

Lucky in Love

Lucky in love. 

Tomorrow, my husband and I celebrate eight years of marriage and in honor of that I'd like to offer a little (unsolicited) advice to a single guy looking for love. Why? Because I'm a romantic. Everyone deserves to be lucky in love and I'd like to think that I've learned enough in eight years of marriage to help someone else find it.

Dear Single Steve,

Though I'm happily married, I've been following your blog for a few years and until recently I couldn't put my finger on what fascinated me about you. This afternoon, I realized why: I'm the kind of girl who marries a guy like you.

My husband is 5' 7" and statistically too short to date. That love from romantic comedies that you are looking for? We have it. We've been married eight years and we are still stupidly in love with each other. We met and married in a year, just after his 30th birthday. He even has a nerdy profession as a number crunching accountant and financial analyst. 

So how does a nerdy guy in his thirties land the girl of his dreams? 

Do I have your attention? Good. Now listen up.

1. Self Confidence is Sexy. My husband and I met once at a party a few years before we starting dating. He was dating this woman who was a bit of a psycho and he was withdrawn and cautious. I remember thinking, "it's really too bad that my friend's brother isn't hot." When we met the second time, he was freshly single and gave zero fucks. He knew who he was, laid all his cards on the table and people were free to like or dislike him. He wasn't a dick, he was just sure of himself. When we met the second time I found him irresistible. The more I talked to him, the sexier he was. He was the exact same guy I met before, just a more confident version of himself.

2. Pursue Happiness. Be happy with yourself and your single life. Happiness is contagious and people want to be around others who have found a way to be content with what they have. If your life isn't good enough for you, why would someone else want to be part of it? Stop looking for the perfect wife and start being the perfect YOU. No woman in her right mind finds desperation attractive.

3. Real love doesn't care if you are too short to date. I'm only an inch shorter than my husband and with the heels I wore on my wedding day, I was taller than him. Guess what? Neither of us cared because what really mattered was that we were starting the rest of our lives together.

4. Be willing to turn your life upside-down. Your future wife is not a puzzle piece that will fit perfectly into your preexisting life. It is entirely possible that the woman for you does not live in a 30 mile radius. She's probably not a friend of a friend that frequents your favorite coffee shop and somehow, you just haven't met yet. Get out of San Diego. Try new restaurants and coffee shops. Take a weekend trip to Palm Springs. Go to the Getty in LA for the day. I moved 500 miles after dating my future husband for 3 months and I have never regretted it. He was absolutely worth it.

Eight years, three kids, one dog, and a fixer upper house later. Please pay no attention
 to the five year old photobombing in his undies behind us. Happily ever after ain't perfect.

5. The recipe for real love is chemistry and commitment. The rest is what you make of it. You know that killer chemistry you have with someone when you are first dating? It's only the beginning. The commitment is what turns chemistry into happily ever after. Love is not a feeling; it is something you do. You hold hands. You kiss. You buy flowers. You make breakfast in bed. You whisk her away on a romantic weekend. If you want it to feel like the movies, then never stop doing things that show her you love her. (And hopefully she does the same for you.)  Stop looking for someone who makes you feel magical and and start making your own magic. 

6. "Feelings follow doing, not the other way around. Lasting, True Love is not about being swept off your feet. Sometimes love is just sweeping the kitchen and being grateful that there is a kitchen and a partner who is contractually obligated to share it with you forever." (Glennon over at Momastery knows what she is talking about.) When you do find her, it's not all going to be sunshine and rainbows. My grandmother gave me the best advice about marriage. She said, "We've been happily married for 45 years. 45 out of 50 is not too bad." Even if it doesn't feel like happily ever after all the time, it doesn't mean she's not the one. 

I'm not saying I've got it all figured out. I'm not even saying that my advice is the key to finding the girl of your dreams. But I will say that love is out there for nerdy guys in their thirties if you know where to look.

Good luck,

Alisa

You do not like them so you say...try them! Try them and you may!

Love Dr. Suess? Read on to get the printable!

Shortly before Knox was born, Dash went on a food strike. I wish I was joking when I say that he refused to eat anything but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for almost a year. Mister Sir and I were so exhausted once Knox arrived that we decided it was a battle we weren't able to fight. We made a rule that he could have one PB&J a day (unless we were desperate) and a vitamin to ensure he was getting enough nutrients.

Eventually, I put my big girl pants on and decided it was time to tackle the picky eating beast. Let me tell you, it was rough. We struggled. We cheered every bite of new food until we were blue in the face.We drank excessive amounts of wine with dinner. Sometimes we yelled. We threatened. We bribed. We sent him to bed early and hungry. And we learned. We learned a lot.

10 Tips for Tackling Picky Eaters

1. Trying is the first battle. In the beginning we started small. We made our picky eater try a few bites of everything on his plate. Once he tried enough to satisfy us, he could have a treat like applesauce or yogurt to help ensure he was full. Something to keep in mind when trying new foods - I've read that kids need to try a new food at least three separate times before they can truly say they like or dislike it. I found this to be true in my house. If they don't love those Creamy Spinach and Black Bean Enchiladas the first time, try them again in two weeks. You may be surprised.

2. Stop serving fruit for dinner. I used to always put fruit on my kid's plate for dinner because I knew it was something they would definitely eat. The thing is, sometimes it was the ONLY thing they would eat. They managed to fill their little bellies up just enough on their fruit that they weren't motivated enough to try the other things on their plate. Every mom has their "slam dunk" item that ends up on the plate to ensure that their kid won't starve. But hunger is a very powerful tool. Use it to your advantage. I'm not suggesting you starve your children. I'm saying that a kid who didn't fill up on fruit is more likely to try what's on his plate because he's hungry.

3. Try hidden veggies. I hope my children will like vegetables some day. Today is not that day. Vegetables are still a hard sell in my household. Serving straight veggies requires a lot of encouragement from me and some days I just don't want to fight the good fight. Other days I serve my children a pile of broccoli and I expect them to eat it. I can't hold their hands forever; I will not be the mom that sneaks into their college dorm rooms to add pureed carrots to their Easy Mac. At some point they will have to put on their big boy pants and eat vegetables because they are good and good for them. Period. In the meantime, while it is my responsibility to ensure they are properly fed, I occasionally serve my kids hidden veggies for my own sanity.

4. Serve smaller portions or let your kid serve themselves. My kids are generally hungry, growing boys and I am accustomed to heaping food on their plates. When we started trying new foods I reduced the portion sizes significantly. If they liked their dinner, they could always have a second helping, but if getting them to take two bites of everything was a battle, then at least food wasn't being wasted. Another tactic worth trying is to let your kid choose how many scoops he wants; it's great opportunity to give him a little more control.

5. Use a timer if necessary. Dash is the king of stalling. He can sit with a single piece of food packed tightly in his cheek like a little squirrel until you lose your mind. We would harass him endlessly to take another bite and cheer "Chew, chew chew!" like maniacs for over an hour. Finally we bought a timer (I recommend a sand timer for little guys or something that has a visual of how much time is left.) We set it for 35 minutes and stopped harassing him. HE was in charge of finishing before the timer went off and if he didn't he would be hungry. Giving him a little more control made a world of difference. It took a few months, but now we rarely need the timer.

6. Try dipping sauces. My kids are crazy about sour cream. They like it on chicken, quesadillas and a variety of other things. If my kids actually eat their veggies or chicken with a side of ranch or with some shredded cheese on top, I consider it a win. Have I made their meal slightly less healthy? Yes. But they are still getting the necessary nutrients with less of a fight. Even adults don't always love their vegetables plain, why would I expect more from my kids?

7. Give up the afternoon snack. Once again, a hungry kid is more likely to try their dinner.

8. Don't make your kids a separate meal. It's a slippery slope and the next thing you know you'll be a short order cook at every meal. Making a spicy chicken pasta for dinner? Set aside some plain chicken and pasta before you season it. I still make my kids a different meal on occasion, but I wonder if it would have been easier if I had never gone down this road in the first place.

9. Offer rewards cautiously. I'm a believer that my kids shouldn't be rewarded for things they should do anyway. Kids need to eat. Should they be rewarded for doing something that is basic to their survival? Probably not. But when we first started to work on trying new things, we offered small incentives if they emptied their plate. Remember these Magic Grow Capsules? Dash got to grow one after dinner if he finished his meal. Eventually he started to finish his meal without being bribed and we just let the incentives die out. Other great incentives are high-fives, fist bumps, and the fruit you didn't put on their plate for dinner.

10. Avoid the power struggle when possible. Sometimes you have break out the "I AM MOM, HEAR ME ROAR. You will do what I say because I am the parent and I know what is best for you." Like eating your vegetables so you can grow up big and strong. But my son is strong-willed (not unlike his mother) and he loves a challenge. I found that when I dug my heels in, so did he. However, when I put the ball in his court, he took it and ran with it. Anywhere you can give your child (a reasonable amount of) control, do it. Do you want corn or peas with dinner? How many scoops of green beans do you want? Do you want ketchup or sour cream with your chicken? This is also how we arrived at the timer. When we put him in charge of eating his dinner before the timer went off we removed the power struggle. We no longer had to tell him to take a bite and chew it up. We no longer had to threaten that he'd lose his reward if he didn't finish his dinner. The battle was against the timer, not against us.

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Maybe you are tired of packing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich every time you go to a birthday party because you know your kid won't eat any of the delicious food that is served. Maybe you shook in your boots when your son's preschool told you that they have a No Peanut Butter policy due to food allergies. I've been there. I am not a nutritionist. I am not a child psychologist. I am not a doctor. I am just a mom who has fought a long, hard battle with my son to try to encourage him to eat a healthy variety of foods. I'm sharing what I've learned in hopes that others may benefit from my successes and failures. It's a long road, but this is one time I can say that the grass is a little greener on the other side.

Need some inspiration for your picky eater? Find the Dr. Suess Try Them & You May printable here!

Occam's Razor: The Rule of Husbands

If I had a nickel for every time I got in an argument over something ridiculous with my husband we'd be filthy, stinking rich. But since they don't hand out nickels for bickering, I've been trying to find a more harmonious way to coexist with my husband. It's taken me years to develop this little gem of marital wisdom, so try not to laugh at its simplicity. We'll start with a little example:

I'm counting down the minutes until my husband gets home because it has been a long day with all these monkeys hanging off me and I can't wait for a break. The hour in which my husband usually arrives comes and goes with no husband in sight. So I make a mental list of reasons he's not home yet.

1. He stopped by the store to buy me flowers on the way home because he knows that I've had an exceptionally difficult day. 

2. He stopped for take out so I don't have to cook tonight.

3. He got caught up in a few final things at work or his train was delayed and he's running late.

4. He's bringing home a surprise house guest! Maybe my sister or my bestie who both live in the city where he works.

The most expensive flowers my husband has ever purchased.
They are from the bush in our front yard. 

Tell me I'm not the only one who comes up with romantic reasons my husband is not home yet. Anyone? I mean don't get me wrong, he can be a very romantic guy, but with three kids, a dog and a fixer upper house, our idea of a romantic evening these days is putting Business Time on the calendar and then going to bed at 9:00 pm. Sure, it's possible that he's got some sort of elaborate plan in the works, but is it likely? Nope. Am I smart enough to know this after 8 years of marriage? You'd think so. To make matters worse, once I've concocted all these romantic plans only to have my bubble burst, I am actually disappointed. I set unrealistic expectations for my husband, and then when he failed to meet them, I was crushed. So when my husband finally walks through the door instead of being happy he's home, I'm disappointed.

Now in the heat of the moment, all this makes perfect sense, but as I type this out it seems so absurd. And believe it or not scenarios like this have resulted in arguments or just general dissatisfaction with my life. Why? Because my husband did not read my mind and bring me flowers?  And so after binge watching the geeky Sci-Fi show Eureka a few years ago where the concept of Occam's Razor comes up repeatedly, I developed the Rule of Husbands.  

The principle of Occam's Razor is "when you have two or more competing theories that make exactly the same predictions, the simpler one is the better." When applied to husbands it's just "the simplest or most obvious explanation for your husband's behavior is usually the right one." Back to my earlier scenario about "why is my husband late?" He's not buying me flowers. He's not picking up take out. He's just running late. It's the simplest, most obvious answer.

This rule comes in so handy when you are sleep deprived, upset, perhaps a little hormonal or when a sensitive subject comes up.

Did he leave the minivan on empty because he's mad at me? Or did he just forget?
Did he leave these dirty socks next to the bed to annoy me? Or was he just in a rush to get out the door this morning?
Did he forget that it's his turn to get up with the baby or is he just so sound asleep he can't hear her?

Maybe I'm the only crazy lady who thinks like this. If I am, feel free to let me know in the comments and I'll go crawl in in a hole of embarrassment. But the next time your husband does something that leaves you wondering "What was he thinking?" let the Rule of Husbands be your guide.