25 Reasons My Scale is a Liar

On my 29^th birthday I went to Old Navy to buy myself a pair of fat jeans. I cried in the fitting room and vowed that I would make some healthy changes before I hit the big 3-0. Granted, I had a five month old baby and a two-year old at home, leaving me with pregnancy weight and little time on my hands for exercising. And though I had plenty of reasons to wait to lose those extra pounds, I knew it was all those excuses reasons that landed me crying in a fitting room at Old Navy in the first place. 

And so I kicked all those reasons to the curb and just did it.

Now I’m walking the fine line between managing my weight and obsessing over it. I realize that my weight fluctuates daily for a variety of reasons so instead of aiming for a special number, I have a five pound window and as long as I’m in the zone, I try not to let the scale bother me.  But it does. So every time I get on my scale and see a number I’m not in love with, I remind myself of all the good reasons the scale is a liar. And then I laugh because I think I’m funny and it burns calories.

1. These jeans are heavy
2. My hair is wet. Must weigh at least 5lbs.
3. It’s a new moon. Gravitational pull is off.
4. My yoga pants are heavy.
5. I’m holding a 25lb toddler. Naw, he must 30lbs…
6. I exercised a lot this week. It must be muscle weight.
7. My socks are heavy
8. I’m going to start my period
9. I’m retaining water
10. I just had a baby. (20 months ago…)
11. I’m breastfeeding. At least 2 lbs of that is milk. (Ok, I can’t use this one anymore, but I have!)
12. I’ve been sick
13. It’s Girl Scout cookie season
14. Batteries are low in the scale.
15. It’s humid. (The air is heavy, not me.)
16. I had dental work this week and I could only eat ice cream. Totally not my fault.
17. I’m on my period
18. I’m dehydrated
19. I haven’t pooped yet
20. I ate a big breakfast
21. I went out to dinner last night
22. I drank too much water
23. Steak was on sale at the grocery store
24. My floor is uneven and it throws off the scale.
25. It’s April 1st and even my scale’s in on the jokes

This post originally appeared at Mom of the Year. For a less serious look at the world of parenting meet Meredith.